So sorry to hear about your Cozzy. I felt exactly the same way when I lost my 15.5 year old Maltese to lymphoma 4.5 years ago. He was my best friend and companion, and he was a brave trouper until the very last moment. After a month of comfort care at home, we had to take him to the vet to be put to sleep because he was showing signs of discomfort...it was time to let him go. I was devastated and literally felt like my heart was broken...I broke down crying and had a hollowness in my heart everytime I thought about him being sick and passing away in my arms. The pain never truly goes away, but it does get better. With time, you will eventually be able to focus on the majority of his life that he lived in health and happiness.